Day Twelve: What’s (Probably) Next

Last night we got home only to discover a giant tree had fallen and crushed four of our beautiful blueberry bushes, and would have certainly crushed me or one of my children if we had been home when it fell. I don’t believe in luck. I do believe in signs, and I would say, that’s a pretty clear one.

We will make our final decision on Friday, but at this point, if I were a betting woman, and I certainly used to be, my money would be on a move in our near future. Like, thirty days near future. Just typing that makes my chest tighten or do whatever a chest does after birthing and nursing four babies.

Thirty days to pack. Thirty days to tie up loose ends around here. Thirty days to fight whatever legal battle gets thrown our way. Thirty days to find a new place to live. Thirty days to find a new pediatrician and veterinarian. Thirty days to find extracurricular activities and friends for my children. And I still have to celebrate a fairly major birthday in there and take a bar exam.

F***. I have to* take a bar exam in twenty-three days. Most people, normal people, spend two months or more doing nothing but study for a bar exam. They take classes, read books, watch lectures, take practice exams, obsess in whatever way comes most naturally, or some other way if they think it will help. I have had a few blocks of forty-five minutes, but mostly chunks of fifteen minutes here-or-there, for maybe a total of twenty hours of studying. Maybe. I still haven’t looked at Civil Procedure or Con Law, and I might as well start Property from the beginning. I’m not worried about Constitutional Law. There are a few little things I need to remember, but I tend to keep up with that and think about it on a regular basis, so it should be fine. That is not the case with Civil Procedure or Property. One might think, given all of the property drama we’ve had over the past year, I should be an expert. One would be wrong to believe that. Bar exams have very little to do with how the actual law works.

There are also a lot of people we will have to tell, and the very thought of patiently explaining, without explaining, is exhausting. I will try to be gentle, of course, but people need to understand two things. First, we will always do whatever is best for our family. And that’s really the only thing anyone needs to understand. Second, it’s nobody else’s g*****m business. Unless you are one of our closest friends or one of a handful of family members who are actually involved in our lives, what difference could it possibly make?

I get mad about these things, because I was raised to be polite. Midwesterners don’t usually tell other people to mind their own business. If someone asks a question, we answer it. I am actually very much that way. I hate secrets. We don’t have secrets in our house.** But I’ve learned the hard way how people are. Information can be used as a weapon, and I don’t need any more swords pointed at me. This is something that has to stay private, so I will explain it like this.

We have recently been given the opportunity to evaluate where we are in our lives. Upon close examination and careful consideration, we have decided that a move south to —– is the best thing for our family. We do not have, and cannot give, further details at this time, but we thank you in advance for your prayers and well wishes.

Yeah, that will go over well. And it’s not at all shady.

*I don’t have to take a bar exam in twenty-three days. For one thing, I am privileged to be eligible to sit for a bar exam, and thankful practicing law is even a possibility for me. Also, since we are probably going to move for another state, whether I pass the bar here or not will be absolutely nothing, and if I want to practice in our new state, I will have to take another exam. I could just say, forget it, return the one study book I borrowed, burn my notes, and never look back. If you’ve been following along, you can probably guess that is a bridge too far for me.

**We do have surprises, which are a good thing, but secrets are dangerous, as anyone with any experience with sexual abuse victims will tell you.