Day 102: A New Perspective (Part II)

I asked CC to write another post, because I enjoyed her last one so much, and honestly, it was a good excuse to catch up.  We can have a conversation about anything, even serious things, and we often end up laughing, usually at ourselves and each other, but it’s still that deep genuine belly laughter that feels so good.

We spoke a few days ago and tossed around ideas.  We chatted about Halloween for a few minutes and came up with this idea.

I think she did an amazing job, and I even learned a few things.  For one, I’m not sure I realized that she “feels awkward walking down the street fully clothed.”  I guess I always thought she was fairly comfortable with her body, but I suppose that was an unfair assumption I made because she has what most people would consider the ideal body type (she’s not kidding when she says she’s much taller than 5’3″).  And I’m not afraid to admit I had to Google “Balmain.”  I’m old and clearly out of touch, ok?  CC is the only reason I even know who Kim Kardashian is.

Anyway, I love what she wrote, and even HW laughed, so it’s definitely a good one.

Can you title this White Face, or is that not right?

I can’t be sure if it’s because I am still mentally stuck at 4 years old, or if it’s enjoyable because it’s a holiday with low expectations, but I have always loved Halloween. I love to dress up. This year is proving to be a challenge, however, since my boyfriend’s bar is holding their second annual Halloween event, and we need to have amazing costumes.
The past few years celebrating at house parties have proven to me that there is spectrum to my friends’ creativity. Last year’s celebration at the bars downtown demonstrated a serious lack of creativity in the costume department. A great quote comes to mind:

“In the real world, Halloween is when kids dress up in costumes and beg for candy. In Girl World, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.”

If you just pictured Lindsay Lohan doing a voice-over to Regina George showing off her “bunny” costume, we’d get along. On a more serious note, unfortunately, this quote is pretty accurate. I have seen my fair share of “cats,” “bunnies” and “sexy cops.” My favorite (insert sarcasm here) costume has got to be the Victoria’s Secret Angel. I have to give it to this girl because she went all out with lingerie, wings, stilettos, and even breast implants. That’s commitment.

If you haven’t already guessed where I was going with this… I don’t want to be a slutty character for Halloween. If I feel awkward walking down the street fully clothed (think khaki pants and a black polo, my ultra sexy required uniform for my latest clinical rotation) I sure as hell will feel awkward parading myself around wearing lingerie and some form of animal ears. In a more superficial sense, I think slutty Halloween costumes are reserved for high school seniors and college freshmen. I’m only 22 (and a half!) but somehow I feel very disconnected from this group of young women. I’m not projecting my lack of self-esteem onto my clothing choices anymore, and I do not feel the need to show skin to gain attention from men. Honestly, the older I get (I know, I’m 22, what am I saying?) the less and less attention I want from men. I would be happy if I were never cat-called again. Being lusted after, wanted for my body, and talked to like a piece of meat has somehow lost its appeal.

*disclaimer: I typically don’t usually like/agree with/perpetuate stereotypes, but I realize I just participated in one here. So, let me state that I realize my view has been limited to bars downtown in a medium-sized city of mostly college students, but from what I have seen and experienced… college freshmen typically enjoy slutty costumes.

After I just typed all of that out, I was thinking about how grown up I felt. “I’m so mature,” I thought to myself, in between bites of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Someone help me get my life together.
Here is what I do like: dressing up as famous couples. These have always been my actual favorite costumes to see at Halloween parties. Danny Zuko and Sandy (Grease) Juno MacGuff and Paulie Bleeker (Juno), Popeye and Olive Oil, Holly Golightly and “Fred,” The Flintstones… you get the picture.

We want to dress up as a famous couple, or at least a pair of something well known that isn’t as boring as ketchup and mustard. I actually saw this at the bar once, but it was two guy best friends, and they were basically the real life Dumb & Dumber, so I guess it worked for them. So far, ideas we have thrown out there include Austin Powers and Vanessa Kensington or Batman and Poison Ivy. Then we got discouraged and stopped talking about it.
Oh, I forgot to mention that my boyfriend is a 6’5 black man and I am a 5’10 white woman. Do you see why this is frustrating? Austin Powers is white. Batman is white. He wears a black costume.. he’s mostly covered up. But come on! One of our friends mentioned that we could go as Kim and Kanye, affectionately referred to by the media shitstorm that follows their every move as “Kimye.” There are a couple things that I’m not sure work for me with this costume idea.

  1. Our heights. I realize this is kind of a minute detail. But Kanye West is only 5’8, and Kim Kardashian is only 5’3. We are so much taller than them, I’m just not sure it would be an accurate enough costume. I would also have to contour like never before and wear balloons in my ass. For real.
  2. She’s pregnant. Would that jinx me? I don’t want to get pregnant. Imagine me going to my doctor (or my mom, yikes) and saying  “doctor, you see.. I’m pregnant. It’s all Kimye’s fault. We dressed up as Kimye for Halloween, and that’s how we got here.” I’m not sure this is a jinx I’m willing to risk, and I’m not even superstitious like that.
  3. What would we wear? Last time I checked, I don’t have Balmain outfits spilling out of each of my 30 closets in my mansion. Kanye is a “clothing designer.” I think his clothes look like what the case of The Walking Dead wears, pre-grime, tears and blood stains, of course.
  4. Does Walmart sell butt pads, you think? I need temporary butt implants, pronto.

As I’m writing this out, I’m realizing that I seriously overthink things. I wonder if we could just pick whatever costume we like, putting aside height and race differences. If he goes as Austin Powers and I go as Vanessa Kensington, does that mean “whiteface” just became a thing?

*Update: I just Googled whiteface. It’s a thing. A scary thing, but a thing nonetheless.

And by the way, if I haven’t said so before, I’m dressing up as Chewbacca for Halloween.  We have an Obi Wan, Yoda, Luke Skywalker, one Princess Leia, and one who is deciding between Princess Leia and Darth Vader.  And we have a very pathetic-looking German Shepherd (the groomer decided to shave her hair off – I really need to work on my Spanish) dressing as R2D2.  Halloween is one of those things I hated before I had kids, and now we typically order our costumes a full month in advance.  That might explain why I don’t know what Balmain is…


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