After I finished writing last night I tossed and turned a lot. Sometimes, after I climb in bed at night, I think about what I posted. It always feels exciting and a little bit terrifying to hit “Publish,” because I know that, even if no one ever reads whatever I wrote, it’s out there, and will be out there forever, so that anyone could read it.
Especially after I write something that is of a somewhat delicate nature, like, I don’t know, pretty much everything I write, even the things I don’t realize could be delicate. Writing about things that could be offensive is difficult, because there is no larger context, and there are no facial expressions. I really need facial expressions to communicate effectively, and I do not mean emojis.
So last night I went to sleep concerned that what I wrote last night could be interpreted as offensive. That is not at all my intent. These posts are not meant to offend anyone, or to whine or complain. It’s more of a “thinking out loud,” kind of exercise, as this blog usually is.
I wrote another post about it for tonight, but I put it in a “save for later” folder for now, because it just wasn’t coming together. I think I was trying to do too many things at once and it will just need to sort itself out over the next few days, which will be easier when I worry a little bit less about being delicate.
Instead, since I only have two days left (?!), I thought I would do another list update.
26. I do understand, in theory, that I do not have to be perfect to be loved. Understanding that in a deeper, more fundamental way, is going to take some time. I am working on it, and I think I’ve earned a “B-” for now.
27. I have not yet discovered a new dish I want learn to cook just because I like it, but I have some ideas. I actually spent some time on a Whole Foods iPhone app I downloaded, browsing recipes, and I added a few to my “favorites” list. They are mostly practical recipes, but it’s a start. I will take a “C” for this one.
28. Yoga three times per week. Err. Hmm. I think I should take a few classes to brush up before I spend that much time doing it, and that’s not exactly in the budget this year. Maybe next year. For now, I will keep stretching and walking and I’ll accept my “F” with a shrug.
29. Ahh yes, haircuts, waxes, facials, and pedicures as needed. Well, I did get my hair cut, and I am waiting on waxing my eyebrows because they were done too thin last year, and it’s taking forever to recover, so that’s something. I could probably use another facial soon, but pedicures are off the table. After adjustments, I think a “C” is fitting.
30. I love this one. I want to learn to do something artistic, or improve on some artistic skill I already have. I have actually been thinking a lot lately about drawing and sketching, and wishing I were better. My kids are insanely creative and skilled at drawing and painting, and I know they love it when I try (even if the end result isn’t great), so that might be a good start. My daughter has a sketchpad and some pencils, I might see if she wants to dig it out tomorrow afternoon. Until I actually do that, I will accept another “F.”
I do hope my children come home with better report cards.